How the hangover stole Christmas and why you should give your ex a vibrator

Let me start by recounting Christmas eve. I probably should have followed beanie's lead and went to church. Unfortunaltey, I wasn't in the mood to burst into flames that night so I went out with Naomi and Taz. Mistake number one (albeit a good one). Next came the Zhiguly Grand 9.5 which I saw advertised outside of a bodega. 99 cents for half a litre of beer? Sounded like an excellent idea to me. And thus began the roller coaster ride.

After about 1 and a half of these (oh, the 9.5 means 9.5lcohol), a couple of Sam Adams, some chocolate (which I should have known would kick me in the ass in the morning), and a room full of pot smokers, I was ready to go. Worst part was that it was only around midnight. Either way, I woke up on Christmas morning and felt as if I were getting over a hangover so I ate some food and got ready to go visit the fam. I had no way of knowing that Johnny Hangover had other plans for me after my night of crapulence. By noon, I was back in bed and finally had the sense to take some medicine around 3 which, for the record, did absolutely nothing. Add to this the constant ringing of the phone (I felt bad about turning it off and was somewhat interested to see who would call) and my inability to throw up and you can get a pretty good idea of what happened.

Keep in mind now that I usually don't have a problem having sex with the exes but there comes a point where you have to reflect on these things. That point came tonight when I was having sex and was more interested in what was going on outside my window than in my bed. As a general rule, I think that it might be a good idea to end relationships where the sex wasn't all that great with the gift of some sort of self-pleasuring aparatus. In this way, if sex ever comes up all that you need to say is something along the lines of "oh, what happened to that vibrator that I gave you?" Please don't get me wrong, sex isn't everything in a relationship but more that a few have been built on sex alone. Either way, there won't be any of that business going on in 2006.

Update five minuted later:
Oh, to all of the people that called or texted me today, thank you for you kindness and I'll get back to you today.