incredible...

Current mood: hungover

At 12PM
So drunk, so few pictures. If any of you have pictures of last night or an explanation why there was a burnt newcastle box on my kitchen floor please reply to this...more to come

At 1PM
As I write this some serious cleaning is going on. Thank you you bunch of lovable fucks...who am I kidding, there won't be a broom used today.

At 2PM
I need to vomit...

At 3PM
Still queasy

At 4PM
Projectile vomitting on my way out the door...

Some poeticism from the archives

Just so you know, my poetry sucks. As a matter of fact I hate poetry with a passion. I'm of the opinion that there is no greater waste of time than writing poetry (aside from maybe reading it). But I digress. The following is a sampling of some of the most time wasting poetry you'll ever see. Note my utter disregard for iambic pentameter and other poetic contrivances.

Little Fuckers

Kids will push your ass.
Especially if you are sitting
next to a window that they
want to look out of.
To add insult to injury,
they will not apologize.

I heart Fela

So, I'm listening to my Launch station and up comes Fela. I know that it is all recomendation based but I didn't think that Yahoo would allow a 25 minute track to be played...I'm in afrobeat heaven. Anyone want to go to Lagos with me? Tickets are only around $800. We could go see Femi.

Oh...of course there aren't any takers, all you lot want to do is get drunk.

Mad storage space son!!!

For my first true moment of dorkiness this year I shall make this announcement:

I got a new 300GB hard drive bitches!!!

What does this mean to you? To some of you, absolutely nothing. To those of you who actually enjoy my company (or those who have a high tolerance for sarcasm) it means that you'll probably be seeing a lot less of me as I will be at home watching my ripped DVDs (in addition to other people's DVDs), playing games, listening to music and generally getting down with all types of downloaded fuckery. I'm giddy right now as I write 0s to my old hard drive (I can't believe that I held onto that 40 gig for so long).

Next step is moving all of my media onto this little beast (which might very well be full by next Monday). That's going to entail getting all of the shit off of my laptop, backup disks, mp3 player, ipods that have doubled as spare drives, etc....

Well, that's that.

Hot Game

http://219.101.39.52/~nanahiro/main.html

These entries are getting emptier and emptier. Sort of like my collection of beer bottles...

I love spam, the saga continues (with a bit of oral clarification)...

I know that you are all going to hate me for this but I replied to my piece of spam and actually got a reply back. It's below:

Dear R,

Thanks for your response and willingness to
participate in this transaction. The name of my bank
is MASHREQ BANK LLC. I am happy as well to know that
we can do this together for our mutual interest. I
shall send you the deposit certificate in my next
email. You shall find my name listed in the below
Mashreq Bank website as Head of Corporate Affairs
Department. This is just to proof to you that I am
who I say I am and I will require your unreserve
attention to this transaction.
http://www.mashreqbank.com/UAE/05Profile/01AboutUs/60managementstructure/02leadershipforum.asp

This transaction requires utmost trust from your side,
since you will be receiving the funds in your account
and shall be in control of everything, until I come
for my share. Regarding the sharing, since I am the
initiator of this transaction I deserve to take home a
higher percentage, so I propose to share the money
with you 40% for you and 60% for me. let me know your
mind on this, because it is my wish for both parties
to be happy.

I want you to bear one thing in mind, there is no risk
involved in this transaction. It is 100% risk free and
secured. It involves bank to bank wire transfer to
your bank account. I shall take care of every
information related to the account once the transfer
is concluded. The first step now in this transaction,
is to place your name as the next of kin to the
account in the bank system so that every information
will reflect accordingly. I will require you to send
me the following information for the commencement of
the process, your full names, your age, postal
address, telephone and fax numbers. This has to be
done immediately. This transaction will be completed..>
within 10-14 working days and the funds will be
transferred to your bank account.

Once I receive the above mentioned information and
concludes with the arrangements, the services of a
very good attorney will be required to represent you
in the affected offices for the claim. I have a very
good lawyer in mind, he specializes in such cases and
also a registered attorney with the Central Bank of
United Arab Emirate, which is the bank that will
handle the transfer of the funds out of the country to
your bank account.

As far as my bank is concern, I will handle my part. I
shall send you the lawyer’s contact details once I
receive the requested information so that you can
contact him and requeste for his services. Here is a
little more about me, I am married to a lovely wife
with four children, three boys and a girl. It has been
my dream to manage my own business and I think God has
answered my prayers by making this transaction
possible. Tell me more about yourself, family and your
business.

Please, contact me strictly on this my personal email
address and remember to treat this transaction with
utmost confidentiality. I will appreciate you send me
an email at any time on receipt of this e-mail for
more oral
clarification.

I await your urgent response. Thank you and God
bless.

Regards,

Khan.

I love spam

OK, I just gt the following email and to be quite frank, I'm quite excited as I'm about to be the richest motherfucker in Bed-Stuy (known as Bed Stewie in certain circles). Anyway, it seems that the "Head of Retail Banking Groug" has seen fit to involve me in a bit of international wire fraud. I guess it's just as well as that $30,000,000 transfer from Sadiq Johnson of Sierra Leone hasn't cleared my account yet. Email is as follows:

(Also, for those of you who don't know, I'm just excited because I never, ever get spam)

Greetings from Dubai,

This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a
day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. I am
Mr. Ali Raza Khan, currently Head of Coporate affairs with a reputable bank
here in U. A. E. I write you this proposal in good faith, believing that I
can trust you with the information I am about to reveal to you.

I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On
November 6, 2000, an Iraqi Foreign Oil consultant/contractor with the CHEVRON
PETROLEUM CORPORATION, MR. KHALIL AL NASSER made a (Fixed deposit) for 36
calendar months, valued at US$17,500,000.00 (Seventeen Million Five hundred
Thousand Dollars only) in my bank and I happen to be his account officer before
I was moved to my present position recently. Upon maturity in 2003, as his
account officer and as well the bank manger, it is my duty to notify him on the
maturity date so I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but the
letter was returned undelivered.

After sometime, I tried sending back the letter, but it was again returned and
finally I discovered from his contract employers, Chevron Petroleum Corporation
that Mr. Khalil Al Nasser died as a result of torture in the hand of Saddam Hussein
(former Iraqi President) during one of his trips to his country Iraq, as he was
accused of leaking information to the Americans. On further investigation, I
discovered that Mr. Al Nasser’s family wife and two sons died during the Gulf War
in Iraq and was the reason why he did not declare any next of kin or relation in
all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank and did
not leave any WILL. This sum of US$17,500,000.00 have been floating and placed under
dormant/unserviceable account by my bank management since no one have heard from the
owner since 2003. I wish to let you know that all the investigation I have made so
far, my bank management is not aware of it, I am the only one that have the
information.

With the recent change of government in my country and with their efforts to support
the United Nations in checkmating terrorism aid in the U. A. E. By end of this year,
the government will pass a new financial control law which will give the government
authority to interrogate account owners of above $5,000,000.00 to explain the source
of the funds,making sure it is not for terrorism support. If I do not move this money
out of the country immediately, by end of the year the government will definitely
confiscate the money, because my bank cannot provide the account owner to explain
the source of the money.

I cannot directly transfer out this money without the help of a foreigner and that is why
I am contacting you for an assistance. As the Account Officer to late Al Nasser, coupled
with my present position and status in the bank as Head of Retail Banking Groug , I have
the power to influence the release of the funds to any foreigner that comes up as the next
of kin to the account, with the correct information concerning the account, which I shall
give you. All documents to enable you claim this fund will be carefully worked out and
there is practically no risk involved, the transaction will be executed under a legitimate
arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law, beside U. A. E is porous and
anything goes.

If you accept to work with me, I want you to state how you wish us to share the funds
in percentage, so that both parties will be satisfied. If you are interested, contact
me as soon as you receive this message so we can go over the details. Thanking you in
advance and may God bless you. Please, treat with utmost confidentiality. I shall send
you copy of the

deposit certificate issued to Al Nasser when the deposit was made for your perusal.
I wait your urgent response.


Regards,


Mr. Ali Raza Khan

Last one today, I swear

I just saw this flash movie about the future of news. It's a bit on the freaky side but definitely one of the more interesting things that I've seen this year.

epic 2015

Quote of the day...

"I've been really good this year, I haven't had sex or done drugs yet."

Oh, what a long, hard road you have ahead of you my friend.

The evidence is as follows...

I'm the worst photographer ever (most of my pictures come out either blue or blurry) but I'm an even worse emailer. Those who have asked me to send them things know. With this in mind, I've uploaded all of the new years pictures. They can be viewed on my Flickr page. Comment them and if there are any problems, email call me.

Update five minutes later:
I'm a fucking idiot, I forgot to post the link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/metal_fingers

22 Hours of sleep equals mass confusion

I suppose that it's mandatory to start with happy new year so...happy fucking new year.

Anyway, I've been asleep since 4AM on Sunday morning. That's 22 hours of sleep!! I thought that I would have been wide awake and ready to do something but no, I just feel tired. I think that I'm going to go back to sleep until the morning...

Yeah, this is crazy. Anyway, thanks Taz for that pie...that shit hit the spot about 5 minutes ago. Sorry to all of you who I left at that party...you know that I turn into Houdini after 2AM anyway (and sometimes after 10).